Counseling, Mediation, and Consultation
It's always OK to ask questions! Here you'll find answers to some of the most common ones.
How often will I need to go to counseling?
This depends a great deal on you--the nature and seriousness of your concerns, the time and effort you're willing to devote to addressing them, and how quickly you want to see results. Typically, new clients will start by attending once every week or two; then taper off gradually as their situation improves. You will want to allow enough time between sessions that you can think about and apply what you have learned, but you don't want to go so long between sessions that you can't get any momentum going.
How long will I need to attend counseling?
This varies, and depends on how much you want to accomplish, and how much you are willing to do on your own between sessions. Some people attend for only a few sessions, while others may choose to continue for a year or two. There are no minimum requirements.
I can't decide whether I'd rather participate in individual or in couples counseling. Can I just alternate?
While some counselors do this, it increases the risk that a conflict of interest will develop. For instance, imagine what would happen if you saw me with your partner for couples counseling, and your partner saw me individually, then asked me about how to end the relationship with you? This type of arrangement can also make it difficult for your counselor to protect your confidences, as it becomes difficult to keep track of which person said what in private. For these reasons, I generally discourage mixing the two types of counseling. In most cases, you will have better results by prioritizing. Do you want to work on your own issues? Or are you more interested in working with your partner on relationship issues?
Is it true that sometimes counseling can make a relationship worse?
Many things affect your success in counseling, and this is especially true in relationship counseling. If both parties are committed to improving their relationship, they generally have a good prognosis. A counselor cannot "make" your partner stay in your relationship, however. Also, couple counseling involves a great deal of sharing between partners. You may learn something about your partner that leads you to the conclusion that you don't want to remain in the relationship! So your counselor cannot guarantee success.
What's the difference between counseling and mediation?
Counseling is generally used to address personal or relationship problems. It is done by licensed mental health professionals who are qualified to diagnose and treat mental health conditions, and who may have special training enabling them to help you with relationship problems. Mediation is a form of conflict resolution, and the focus is typically a very specific dispute that the parties wish to resolve. Mediation is conducted by professionals with different backgrounds (including mental health professionals) who have specialized training in dispute resolution. Your mediator will not diagnose or treat you, but will stick to the task of dispute resolution.
Don't you have to be an attorney to do mediation?
NO!!! While some attorneys conduct mediation, in addition to practicing law, mediation is distinctly different from the practice of law. While minimum qualifications vary from state to state, and even from judicial district to judicial district, mediators are typically either licensed mental health professionals or licensed attorneys who obtain additional training before practicing mediation.
How should I prepare for mediation?
This will depend on what issues you are planning to address in mediation. There may be some forms to fill out or some documentation you will need to provide. If so, I will instruct you. Regardless of what type of dispute you are bringing to mediation, it is almost always helpful to think about multiple possible solutions to your conflict that would be acceptable to you. Flexibility and many ideas to contribute to the discussion will increase the likelihood that you will succeed in reaching an agreement.
If mediation fails, will you testify on my behalf?
No. Mediation is considered confidential, and your mediator remains a neutral party. He or she does not take sides, and does not testify on either party's behalf.
Can I bring my attorney or a friend to mediation with me?
Yes and no. While the law often permits additional parties to attend, what happens in mediation is confidential. Permitting you to include an additional party without the consent of both parties could be a violation of the other party's privacy rights. In addition, the inclusion of third parties often subtly undermines the process, and renders it ineffective. Part of what makes mediation effective is the knowledge that the parties are on a level playing field. Attempts to bolster your position by bringing in another person often backfire. If you believe the presence of an additional party is necessary, talk with me prior to our first meeting about whether this is appropriate in your situation, and about what changes to our format may be necessary if we agree to your request.
If marriage counseling doesn't work, can you then mediate our divorce? Or can you be my counselor, and then testify in my custody case?
These may seem like very different questions, but they have a similar answer. Most professional associations prohibit, or at least place limitations on a counselor regarding "dual relationships" (when a counselor has more than one relationship with a client, such as marriage counselor and mediator, or counselor and expert witness). This means that in most circumstances, I cannot switch from one role to another. If I have been your counselor, I cannot become your mediator, for instance.